updates.

we just got back from ella's vet check up. she's gained over a pound in ten days! i guess that's what a little steroids will do...
ella had follow up bloodwork done to see if her high calcium levels have been decreased. we'll get that call tomorrow.
otherwise, vet orders are to reduce the steroids to twice weekly and keep an eye out for "symptoms". the prognosis is difficult...it could be a year before the cause (still likely to be lymphoma) rears it's head. for now, ella is the same old kitty.
crosbi has been fine and we are hoping her seizure episode was isolated to that one peculiar day.
thanks to everyone that has shared their stories and sent me positive energy during this time! it's been invaluable.

emotional circus.

it has been one of those gut twisting, humbling, scary, nervous wreck kind of weeks for me.
all is well with my own self, but my animals (read: children) are not quite so lucky.
it started two weekends ago with our dog, crosbi. we took her out for a doggie day on the town; trip to petsmart and the like. later at home, relaxing on the couch, i noticed odd twitching. i thought it was hiccups, but after closer inspection i could tell it was something else. it was just on one side of her body and she was awake. it could have just been a doggie dream, but instead it was an emergency trip to the vet. by the time we arrived, she was fine. no problems found during the exam. as soon as we got her home, she had another "seizure".
fast forward one week. imagine us getting ready for an overnight visit from two good friends and their dogs. during the preparations i noticed some odd behavior from ella, our siamese cat. she was having trouble using her back legs and seemed...dizzy. i laid on the bathroom floor with her and a heavy sense of dread came over me.
we raced her to the vet. we didn't even call in advance this time. i said i thought she had a stroke and staff came out from the back immediately. they whisked her out of my arms and told us to stay out front. we waited for an eternity (about 10 minutes). a tech told us that ella would need to stay for the afternoon to have blood work done. again, by the time we arrived, ella was acting normally.
am i crazy? do they think we are poisoning our animals?
we left the vet in great distress. both adam and i were certain that the outcome was not going to be good. ella is 12 years old but otherwise in good health. she is fed only premium food and is kept inside. but sometimes, your gut just tells you something. then your head can't shake the idea.
we were told that the vet would call between 1 and 4 PM. tara and mel arrived with their dogs; chester and pele. thank goodness for their visit. i know that their presence kept adam and i on sane ground.
around 3:30 the phone rings-Dr Moger. ella's bloodwork shows high calcium levels which normally indicates lymphoma. racing thoughts and words follow...chemotherapy/steroids/xrays/tumors/expensive/prognosis? we decided to have ella kept overnight to have an xray to look for tumors. we were kept in excellent and compassionate company by our dear friends, but we cried ourselves to sleep that night.
the next day we learn that the xrays show nothing. we take ella home. she is now on steroids. we will return next week for more blood. much googling has ensued to research feline lymphoma and high blood calcium.
ironically, ella and crosbi are "back to normal". i wish i could say the same for myself. my stress level has skyrocketed. i feel like my insides are jittering. i wonder if everyone can tell when they see me...
right now, i am just glad to have the animals here at home. we will take it one day at a time.
and damn if we won't love the shit out of them...
oh, and if you need a vet, i highly recommend the angels at Adirondack Animal Hospital.

please welcome...

...my nephew, adam lee!

sir bundle of awesome-ness was born today at 12:38 AM; weighing in at 9lb 15.4oz (!!!) and measuring 22 inches long.
























congratulations gretchen and ian!
and happy birthday adam lee!

that'll be aunt renee to you.

there's some pretty cool stuff that can happen to a person.
i think that being an expectant-aunt ranks pretty high on the list.
plus, today we found out the little bugger is a boy.

just because.

crosbi is the best puerto rican sato ever.

a different sort of biological clock.

i want a new kitty. a kitten really.

it's been a really long time since i had a baby cat.

ummm....about nine years to be clear.

here's the thing, i really want another siamese kitten. i currently have the best-est siamese cat ever. she's inbred and would never win any cat show awards, but she's the best. she'll be eleven years old in about two weeks. she's healthy and awesome, but i have this sort-of cat-ernal urge.

so my dilemma is regarding the ethics of buying a purebred. both of our other animals are rescues. i tell myself that my siamese was a rescue. she was born in a dirty duplex outside of buffalo. i swear that the lower apartment of the duplex was occupied soley by a cock-fighting ring. (i say this because i heard chickens inside. a glance through a slightly open door offered me a look at an ENTIRE floor covered in straw. no furniture. you tell me?) my siamese's father was also her grandfather (eeeewwww). but if that's what makes an awesome kitty, then so be it.

where am i going to find another inbred siamese?

but really. i feel like i should "save" a kitten. our local shelter is GIVING away cats because they have so many. how could i look for a siamese cat when there's all these other needy cats out there?!?!

what's a girl to do?!

babies and shopping malls.

sometimes i wonder if i have a few pieces missing. or maybe a few loose wires.
not that i am upset about this. it's more of an observation than a critical judgement.
i was born a woman, identify as a woman and have all the working parts of a woman. but i don't ever and never did want children. i truely knew that i didn't want kids very early on. probably about the same time that most other girls were naming their unborn children and planning their family tree. i can't tell you exactly why i don't want children, i just know that i am not interested. the idea of infants and toddlers doesn't make me long for anything. i get creeped out by the idea of anyone calling me 'mommy' (except maybe my pets, which now that i think about it, is kind of creepy too).
the first thing i get asked when people learn about my aversion to having children is, "why don't you like kids?". this comment is insulting and makes me want to punch people. i ought to think of something witty and cynical to retort, but these folks already think that i am a mean, satanic, child-eating soul so i wouldn't want to reinforce their stereotype of me.
the next thing people usually say is, "oh...you'll change your mind". no. i won't. i am 32 and haven't changed it yet. i'm not saying it's IMPOSSIBLE that my mind won't change. meteors could destroy earth too. which has better odds? i am not sure.
i don't hate children. i really like them. grated, the little, fragile, newborn types scare the shit out of me. they are just too intimidating. it's like walking through the crystal and china section of a nice store...just too stressful. i certainly can't afford to break anything...
i think that it is a very important job to be a parent. i don't think it's a job that all people are cut out for. parenting is a job that you need to love to do and be completely committed to. i am fully committed to helping other parents raise their children...as an external support. i have clients with small children and will extend extra effort to set them up with the resources they need.
here's the other thing. i think of not having children as an environmental choice. isn't it time to stop having a mindless explosion of humans on this planet? maybe if i don't want kids...i shouldn't have them and save some space for the kids of committed and insightful parents. i am not saying that having kids makes people environmentally unfriendly (that would be like folks calling me a kid-hater). i just think it's something to ponder.
the worst part is how differently people interpret my not wanting children and my partner's not wanting children. when a man announces he doesn't want children people smile and think it's pretty normal. certainly this is a sterotype too. but why do people (especially women) judge me as a woman so harshly? who knows. i have resigned myself to not understanding folks that want 4+ kids, maybe they should do the same for me.
oh yeah...and i don't like clothes shopping either. i actually don't like shopping much at all (with the solid exception of food related shopping). malls and department stores make me want to run away chris mccandless-style. i may be having an anxiety attack right now thinking about spending a whole day in a shopping mall and trying on clothes.
so maybe i'm wired wrong, but i don't care.