not the letter i meant to send.


i wish i had written you sooner as this was not the letter i intended.
i feel like our friendship had only just started. and i feel like it had always been there.
you were just like me in so many ways. and i felt i could have learned so many things from you.
people fell in love with you right away. i mean that truly. you were genuine even to strangers. you did not make superficial friendships. neither do i.
but you were able to make these friendships in hyper-speed, where as i am cautious and slow. i was in awe of your energy and fearlessness.
you were hilarious. i could laugh out loud in a room alone just thinking of your sense of humor.
it's hard for me to believe that you aren't here anymore.
did the earth shudder at that moment? did the sun dim somewhere? how could that much energy leave without some ripple?
but really, a ripple did occur. throughout the hearts of your family and the friends you have shared your life on earth with.
i wish i could bask in your light again, but i feel the deepest gratitude for having been exposed to it at all.
you will forever be in my heart.



  1. That's terrible... I'm sorry. With time, your heart will heal. We've just lost a close friend in December and my partner's sister, who I considered a daughter, just a few weeks ago. She was 23 and was coming home to spend the summer with us in a few days.

    We often wished we'd saved that last phone message, called one more time, or talked a little longer. Nothing can change that.

  2. thank you john.
    and i am so sorry for your loss.
    katie was beautiful. she sounded like a amazing person.

  3. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. It is truly amazing when we think of the people who are brought to us in life and how lucky we are that we are able to cross paths with people who have a definite purpose. It sounds like she gave her friends wonderful gifts in the short time she had with you all.

  4. renee, i am so sorry. know i am thinking of you, though we have never met. you wrote a beautiful goodbye letter and i am sure liz knew you loved her.


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