it seems that my effort to do more artwork and my malaise have had a direct correlation to the amount i post on this blog. it's easier to channel those grey feelings into artwork without boring people. i hope to be able to balance the two better, because what i write here and what i post there are both important.
my mind's current disarray has made it difficult for me to focus on tasks. i find that i am prone to be easily bored. this is not a good combination for blogging as much of this medium relies on an ability to make a story out of simple things. there are a ton of simple things, and interesting things, happening in my sphere of life every day, but i can't seem to pin them down before they blow away.
i am a person who likes to document; to try to make permanent the beautiful, the ugly, the mundane. i want to remember what things felt like. blogging, photography, art: the goal is to capture a moment so that it can be shared with others. truthfully, that sharing not always possible. remembering to live right now, in the present moment, and to simply experience things is so important that worrying about documenting can be a tragic distraction. sometimes a moment, even if it's just the light in the morning and the sound of the birds at the feeder, is meant just for you. it's fleeting and won't last long. if your mind is elsewhere, you'll miss it.
the ability to genuinely experience things, burn them to memory and re-tell the story later is the talent of writers. i have never been a very good writer. maybe my writing never quite touches the resonance of the memory.
perhaps that is just how it is supposed to be.